Daunted

Dad urged me to read an article on Qantas Boeing 747 fuselage rupture. I realized that I have started to feel daunted when I see or hear anything associated with aviation. Thoughts ran wild and then mood went foul. I know very well I should be picking up the pieces and reconstruct myself instead of ranting endlessly about that failure.

But I just could not find the strength and faith that I've sought...

One Year Ago...

I made the seemingly outrageous decision to jump ship. That took a lot of courage from me and I know I need to have a lot of faith to pursue my new course in NTU. Indeed, what followed after that decision was a smooth journey with the abundance of logical reasoning subjects like Mathematics and Physics, which I had much appreciated since JC days. Yes, I excelled so far in NTU and opportunities started to arise.

Scholarship invitation was that opportunity which I had ambivalent feelings towards. I dreaded it so much as I knew if I were to be rated on my interview skills, it would be 'negative infinity'. As exemplified by the fact of a poor record of having failed most of which in the past. I look forward to it as I know it would be a reassurance to myself that I had made a correct decision one year ago if I could get through this.

I know this is an opportunity not to be missed. I studied the company profile and everything, but fruitlessly. Nothing of sorts that I had read came out in the interview. I turned anxious, very anxious and failed. Much anticipated, the email 'we regret to inform you that...' came next. It was yet another failure, one that is very very hard to swallow.

At this point in time I lost that faith that I had tried so hard to build on the very beginning when I embarked on the new course. In 30 minutes, it was very much obliterated. What's the point of studying so hard and getting good grades when you stammer as if you have a tongue too huge to be kept hidden in your mouth?

I kept looking into e mirror to check if my tongue is least deformed. What the hell is WRONG with me?

Shit happens but life goes on... ...