Battered and Heartbroken

It has been a huge struggle for me to let go of everything that I had gain so far. Stepping into unfamiliar grounds and start all over again will never be easy.

What's worse is that I'm going to be financially troubled, and in a sort of unjustified manner. We all know that the purpose of taking up a tuition fee loan is because we do not have the money to pay off these outrageous and overrated Tuition Fee in University (Notice the choice of O words). So in my course of transferring schs, our dear OCBC Bank had informed me that I will have to pay off the outstanding amount that I had loaned for my studies in the current institution before I can proceed on to apply for a new loan in my new course of study. What Crap! Why do I loan money from you? That's because I'm short of it. And now you're telling me to pay it off before you're loaning me more? LOGICAL? Thanks to rigid policies and so much for following the law!

And the lecturers that has been with us? Had they been that world class to have justified that exorbitant paycheck? Leave that to you to decide...

I must say, I'm paying alot of money to be doing so much administration work all by myself. It's really good training through huge adversity. While things seem that it couldn't get any worse......

It got emotionally worse for me. Riding through this turbulent time got me really battered. Which explains that I've lost quite some will in doing anything. I've got no heart in doing things no more...

I've tried to communicate my mental fatigue to my dearest parents. And I know they've been supportive, but not in a right way. I even go to the extent of telling my mum that I had the intention of suspending university for 1 year. But what came in returned were heartbreaking words, in lieu of serious concerns. Mum thought the suspension is for a course to play and play and play. Am I really that much of a spoilt brat to you mum?

As much as I want, I've tried my best to be a good child. I have taken up 3 tuition assignments so that I wouldn't take money from Dad no more. And I could even contribute a little to the household. I know I do play hard, but I worked hard too! So what makes you think that I've never worked? It has been a long while since I'm so hurt...